People ask us, as people ask of couples who find each other despite all odds, how did you two meet? Blind date, we always respond in unison. This gets a laugh or a loud what? and we pause, because beyond that agreed upon fact our two memories diverge. Remembering before we were a we is not easy after three decades riding life’s bumps and bends, those close calls and those definitive calls too. But I love asking people how in the crazy rollercoaster of relationships did you two find each other and manage the whole dance to get where you are today? Lately I have especially loved listening to the telling, watching that shy blush of newness ignite all over again, the private-nuanced laughter and even the corrections over the details. Each story a reminder that love is just a glance away. I tell you love, sister, it’s just a kiss away…

I know several people who just like us met on a blind date arranged by a friend or family member. Pre-internet I imagine this was fairly common. What I love about these “introductions” is the fact that there is always another invested in your coupling– rooting for you two for all time– and so proud of their part in your happiness. The whole community made richer by you two saying yes.

Then came the avalanche of swipe right relationships which is still going strong. “In their 2019 paper, Michael Rosenfeld, Reuben Thomas and Sonia Hausen documented how the percentage of married couples who met online went from only 2% in 1998 to 20% in 2008 and then to nearly 50% in 2017, becoming the dominant form of initial contact for couples who marry” (Restrepo-Echavarría). We all know someone who has successfully coupled for many years, regardless of sexual preference or age or location or any factors actually, all started on an online dating app. DoorDash for love? Apparently, yes.

One of our couple friends recently told us a great story of how they met. It all happened on a busy night in a popular restaurant. One solo diner was already seated at a table for four when he noticed a small group of three being turned away at the door. There was disappointment in their faces as they stood in the crowded doorway trying to come up with an alternate dinner spot. He rose to the occasion by offering the other party, a mother with her son and his wife, to share the table. What I love about this gesture is everything. That solo diner is as easy going and genuine as you might imagine, and once the new guests were seated with him, I could picture how the rest of the meal could cause the ensuing relationship to begin. There surely was laughter and sharing and a relaxed vibe so all felt comfortable. But I also love the bravery and openness of the three too. Here they were, planning a rare family dinner, but in one auspicious pivot they opened to a stranger. In this day and age of heavily drawn party lines, of fear of the other, of the impulse to stay closed, they did the opposite, and within one meal made a real connection. In fact, by dessert, there was an exchange of phone numbers, and for these two 60+ year olds, long divorced and not actively looking, something palpable and sweet soon grew between them. Generosity and approachability won the day for those happy diners who now can be found strolling about the neighborhood holding hands.

Another new couple we have friended told us their years long tale, beginning with an introduction from their large friend group. Both arrived to the gathering partnered and feeling quite stable, although both admitted to taking a second look. I loved hearing each moment of their ski vacation together with a score of other friends, and how curiosity led the way, for each came to want to know more about the other. One winter ski trip was followed up by another the following year, but this time one couple had split apart while the other was buying their first home together. More gatherings and more second looks until these two fabulous 30 something men realized they were indeed each other’s perfect match. Next came the untangling for one, the dating period and adjustments in the friend group which led to the big and wonderful proposal, a new shared home bought, and now plenty of decorating and wedding plans. Their story could have lasted half our meal if not rushed along by wanting to savor the delicious food cooling on our plates.

Each love story reminds me of all the good stuff that binds people together, sure common interests and pastimes but also the opposite of all of that, finding someone who fills in all your gaps. Even if it takes a minute or two.

Love isn’t the easiest to muster these days littered with strife but I do believe it is our first emotion and without too much fanfare one that can be conjured in a heartbeat. I see it on my grandson’s face when his momma walks in the door. I recall it with ease when I remember my dear friends’ hugs. I can feel it spread through my whole being when violet meets apricot along the horizon at sunset. I’m lucky enough to have love filtering the air at home with my own partner. Seems like a good week to ask couples how they met each other. Let’s start with you. Oh, do tell!