he said, she said, but who really cares?

  • The senators, Jeff Flake of Arizona and Susan Collins of Maine, did not say that they would vote to confirm Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. But both made positive remarks.
  • Senator Heidi Heitkamp, a Democrat who is facing a difficult re-election race and had been undecided, said she would vote against the confirmation. (New York Times)
Well readers, here we go. Abuse got political. How many of you survivors our there have yet to out your abuser? Or worse yet, how many of you have, to only hear you are mistaken? Mis-remembering? Wrong in some sense or another? Take your suffering and bear it. Like the cross.  Just silence yourself, would you now! There is no end to this type of thinking. No one really wants to hear your story. No one wants to hear about your suicidal thoughts or your panic attacks. Deal, please, they say. So you are silenced. End of story. Women all over are nodding their heads. And once again, we all nod. Just be quiet. Face it. You asked for it. He was young. He was drunk. He was …. blah blah blah. Regardless, your story goes like still water under the bridge. Quietly.
Lake Champlain from Mt Philo, Vermont

I expect Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh to be confirmed to the Supreme Court. Don’t you? Generations of sexual abuse survivors, over a dozen of them from our current President, would lead to you believe what? That we ultimately don’t care what women say, or experience, or suffer; this is a man’s game. They come out on top. Over and over again, they rape us. They dismantle us. They leave us in rubble. A few women might survive. Plant their feet. Rise like the Pegasus. Fly. But most, just falter, fester, and fail. Of course. I am of the few. I fly whenever I can. And say, fuck you.
Mt. Philo looking out to Lake Champlain
How does a survivor pick up the pieces? Where can Ms. Christine Blasey Ford go from here?  Can she expect empathy and understanding after 3 decades of silence? 3 decades. Wow. How do you process that humility and pain and shame and doubt and anguish? Shit. Listen, to her. Listen.
Charlotte, Vermont
I really don’t know what to say to you America. Believe her, doubt him. Whatever. What is it with our country that allows for such abhorrent behavior? Forget our country: what is it in our raising of sons that allows such heinous conduct? Perhaps it is time for every parent to take responsibility? Ask yourself, what values are you insinuating on your children, male or female, or gender non-specific? What are you instilling when your children are frustrated, or angry, or questioning? Is rape their game plan? Is anger their go-to? Is empathy beyond the norm?  Can a body be innocent?
Fall leaves scattered over the grassy field
We walk on. All of us. To create some semblance of hope. Of life. After the color has drained and the season has changed, we move on. Or we don’t. Christine Blasey Ford, can you?  Certainly, to Kavanaugh it was only another party on the calendar. Another night with the boys. Here he goes. His life procession to the Supreme Court. Unhindered by obstacle. A straight trajectory. What must that feel like? To go up, despite all the ugliness? I would not know. Those privileged men know. Those men that lie like there is no consequence, because under Trump, there isn’t one. Not a one. If only he had uttered one word of compassion. Right or wrong aside. He could have cared about the pain, right? Could have cared about all that suffering. A just man would have felt for her.
Vermont in peak foliage
Carry on, speak out, oh we must. Bring the truth, and gather the votes. Rise up. With pride.

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