She and I sat on the sidelines watching all our kids compete for decades, playing Soccer, Baseball, Softball, Basketball and LaCrosse, from T-ball everyone is a winner to high school and college sports to semi-professional serious business. There was even a post-college year where both sons played in a men’s b-ball league. Traveling through blizzards, standing through downpours or blazing sun, we got there to watch the highs and lows sports offers its competitors. And, as luck would have it, we caught most games through the years, but last week we were overjoyed to witness our adult son endure 3 days of tough matches as he made his way to the semi-finals in a sport he recently started playing with a bit more intention, tennis.  We witnessed the thrill of the wins to advance, and the last match that ended in a narrow defeat. Admiring athleticism is inspiring, but so is watching the athlete’s internal struggle as their mounting frustration is pushed aside by determination. We yelled all the platitudes, granted all the positive nods, but for the person on the pitch or court or field, it is their mindset that must deliver the motivation to push onward. Exactly like every battle we face off the mat, right? We watched matches over three days, learning what every sports metaphor is aimed at in real life. Ideals like finding hope when its not easy or paying attention to the tiny little joys when those too are rare.

There is always something we don’t see when we stand in judgement. Looking at this 30-something guy one would not notice the silvery scars he wears from the near-fatal accident of nearly two decades ago. One would not know of the surgeries, the physical therapy, the tough road he walked back, and the impossible fact that he can move as he does today. But if you understand internal grit and perseverance, and the power of a positive mindset, his recovery is made possible. Our pride for this one runs deep. Just as deep as our gratitude that the tragedy he survived forged a better man, one who is generous with his love and living. One who is hopeful and joyous.

The ESPY Awards aired the night before the tennis tournament, and while watching we heard Katie Schumacher-Cawley, the Penn State women’s volleyball head coach, give her moving acceptance speech.

Schumacher-Cawley thanked Valvano and the V Foundation for the recognition and work it does to fight cancer.

“To be a part of this mission that says ‘don’t ever give up’ is a privilege,” she said. “This is bigger than me and bigger than this stage. Because this is about hope, it’s about every person sitting in a chemo chair right now wondering if they can keep going. … I’ll keep fighting for you” (CNN).

Listening to her speech, the elite athletes and all the rest in attendance at the Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles, rose in a standing ovation, fueled by her hope.

Through the worst of Coach Schumacher-Cawley’s treatment, she kept hope alive, for herself, her family, and her team. Winning the championship could easily be linked to that very vein of hope. Of course there are plenty who decide, just as bravely, to end their “battle,” whatever it is they are facing. We don’t have enough recognition for those who bow out when ready. As one who generally takes up a challenge, I imagine I’ll always don the gloves and fight, but as with all of us, there is a time to accept, with grace, a solid loss. I doubt there will be many awards granted to those individuals, but perhaps we can make space for them in our hearts. Life’s often a rocky road peopled with plenty of invisible pains.

Former North Carolina State University men’s basketball coach Jim Valvano, who Katie Schumacher-Cawley’s award was named after, had his words echoed in her speech. Schumacher-Cawley ended with, “Keep showing up, keep believing and please never ever give up”– a message Valvano said during his speech at the Madison Square Garden Theater more than 30 years ago” (CNN).

Words to build your hope on when you are down a set.