Facing It

How does fear take hold? When does it grab at you? Where can you feel its tug? Can you feel it altering your sensibilities? Hard to imagine a time when fear did not dominate our headlines and lives, but even in the hold of fear I can remember a more fearless me. Standing up and demanding regardless of outcome. That late twenty-something me who seemed to defy gravity. Just reaching for it. Of course I can also remember a timid me too. A frozen and quiet me, creeping around high school, falling into black holes. But this today me, who has built a solid foundation on steady outcomes, this one now wakes in the still-dark dawn and has to talk herself into calmness through deep breathing, just to return to the school building yet another day; this me is struggling. They want us to arm kids with heavy shit, barricade our classroom doors, and teach them to strategize their way to safety despite the AK-15 aimed in their direction. Fear has entered the curriculum, but I suppose, as long as the NRA controls our lawmakers, I need to find my bravery.

As always I move through metaphor: As Without So Within. What’s my first step? Strap on downhill skis (first time in a decade) and send myself straight down the mountain. Well, after heading up first.

downhill skis

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change comin’ on

Daily last summer, on any of those glorious days, I’d open the front door just to stay closer to green. The sugar maple out front was lush with leaves, and even in the rain I leaned out to drink in that verdant hue. Looking ahead, all I envisioned were more luscious moments, more sweet air, and more bird song.

red door in Vermont farmhouse

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Horizons and Mountains Beckon

IMG_1986Where there was green we now witness brilliance. Color floods our view yet we know this visual joy is a last burst; as Robert Frost foretells, “Nothing gold can stay.” All of a sudden, everything is changing, and the geese flying overhead let you know this with much certainty, for their particular honk grabs all our attention. Look up, look up, they call, we are on the move. Perhaps, they imply, you should be too?

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Hit the Road

Most of the time, okay all of the time, we plot our daily routine with certainty. Same for vacations. Airline tickets are bought in advance, as are hotel stays. We may opt for an odd mid-week dinner out from time to time, but mostly we are bound by schedule and calendar. However, there comes a time in July when the ocean beacons, and as Vermont is land bound, this requires a drive across the Green then White Mountains and through the Maine pines before you see that rocky shoreline. So with the spirit of summer as our guide, we broke all the rules and decided to go on an impromptu weekend excursion.

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time for that later

meLiving on the East Coast there is something vital about adapting to the seasons and letting them into your very fiber: we herald July as the perfect month here in New England. The temperature is temperate, the rain only intermittent, the vegetable gardens bear gifts, the flowers transform our landscape to an Impressionist’s canvas, you know, the living is easy. And easy breeds easy… Oh, how we love easy!

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