emotional painting | Nine Cent Girl

When I picked up a paintbrush after decades of neglect, it was only to feel the movement and color generated by emotion. The whole act an avenue to reconnect with a joy that was absent due to the rage of COVID 19. Alone in my garage as day shifted to night I allowed myself the freedom to explore, and that is exactly what I did during all those shuttered days of 2020, adventuring across canvas or wood, a swirling palette of choices made in the moment. Pure heaven, my mother would have announced if she stepped into the makeshift studio on one of those hot summer nights, the last light splashing against the walls and me dancing about in full party girl mode. And now, you ask? Yes, still painting, but oh my, the canvases have piled up, so what better time for a Holiday Art Sale?!? Tis the season to wrap up my little loves and send them off to a new home.

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“It wasn’t burnout — we still had energy. It wasn’t depression — we didn’t feel hopeless. We just felt somewhat joyless and aimless. It turns out there’s a name for that: languishing.

Languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield. And it might be the dominant emotion of 2021.

As scientists and physicians work to treat and cure the physical symptoms of long-haul Covid, many people are struggling with the emotional long-haul of the pandemic. It hit some of us unprepared as the intense fear and grief of last year faded” (Grant).

Last week, everyone read The New York Times article, everyone nodded a yes, and I too thought, this is exactly what I am feeling after this past year. Before I read the piece, I had coined the sense as ‘mopey’. Just that downcast and defeated feeling after a hard year of cynicism and despair might leave you moping around your living room.